Is your child struggling with their emotions in games? Are they consistently showing signs of sadness, anger, or just overwhelm mid-competition?

I know the feeling. I literally watched my son burst out screaming with tears in the middle of a basketball game on multiple occasions. Let’s be honest, as parents seeing your child have an emotional breakdown mid competition can be embarrassing and frustrating Especially when you don’t understand why or what to do about it.

But have no fear! Today we are going to break down why many developing athletes struggle with their emotions in game, and learn the same tools I used to help take my son from screaming and hollering to an effective teammate.

First, in order to truly understand the solution we must understand the problem. To illustrate the problem, let’s go back to my son’s experience. 

While watching from the sidelines, I began to pay close attention to my son’s interactions with his coach. I noticed that when he did something wrong the coach displayed his disappointment and did very little to teach him what to do differently. I also noticed that the coach would often take him out of games after he made a mistake, and my son, with little understanding as to why, hated being pulled out of the game. I then noticed that the coach rarely attempted to reward my son for good effort when he was playing hard. Add in the fact that every time my son broke a rule and the referee blew his whistle, signifying that something was done wrong, my son just couldn’t help but blow his top. After seeing these things I was no longer confused as to why my son was struggling emotionally. He was giving his best effort and yet everything he was doing seemed to be the wrong thing. His confidence was being shot. 

My point in sharing the story of my son is not to bash the coach or any of the adults involved, but instead to give insight to the negative impact of adults prioritizing winning over development.

In the youth sports world there are two primary ineffective mindsets. One is an overly competitive win-at-all-cost approach which prioritizes winning competitions over teaching and developing players. The other is a non-competitive everybody-is-a-winner approach which prioritizes the feelings of winning (or losing) over actual winning through growth and development. The problem is both of these approaches focus primarily on the short-term gratification from winning (or at least not losing), and neither actually teaches athletes what it means and requires to truly be successful. MADE Student Athletics, using the Holistic Student-Athlete Development™ Model, proposes an approach that prioritizes character development through healthy competition. 

In the HSAD™  Model, the first stage of development emphasizes the importance of nurturing self-confidence and awareness in student-athletes. It is important for athletes to see themselves as capable of being successful, and also understand what success looks like. This is what the previously mentioned approaches fail to teach. Competition can be a useful tool in developing confidence and awareness when done correctly. Healthy competition establishes standards for success and allows athletes to see where they are in relation to those standards. However, no matter where a student-athlete is on the spectrum, the results of a competition should not define who they are. From this perspective competition can take its rightful place as a means of providing feedback to support growth and development. When working with young athletes, adults should encourage a mindset that empowers youth to use their competitive experiences to learn and make changes that lead to their embetterment. This is crucial to developing youth who are confident in their abilities in and outside of sports.

As the leaders and supporters of youth sports it is the adults’ job to keep competition in its rightful place, and that is secondary to development. 

If you’re athlete is anything like my son and is struggling with their confidence and emotions during games here are three practical ways that you can help: 

1. Over celebrate the positives: As mentioned earlier, it is important for developing athletes to see themselves as capable of being successful. As adults when we overemphasize the things they do right we send a signal to their brain letting them know that they just did something good which makes them feel good, and then want to do more of it more. For example if you’re player gets a steal and then accidentally runs out of bounds
2. Don’t just yell, teach!: This is a BIG one. No one likes to be yelled at, especially someone who’s already struggling with their confidence as it is. A simple trick I like to use to help players after they’ve made a mistake is to pull them in close and give them advice in a nice, quiet, calm voice and then tell them to get back out there. I will literally sacrifice a possession to take advantage of a teachable moment because I understand the long term benefits of teaching far outweigh the short term benefits of one play. This doesn’t mean that there isn’t a time for yelling and criticism, but it should work in tandem with teaching and development.
3. Build self-confidence outside of the sports: Typically youth struggling with confidence in their sports struggle with being confident in other areas as well. Tips 1 and 2 above can also be used in non-sport settings to help build confidence. Additionally, activities like goal setting or saying positive affirmations can be a great way to help youth recognize their strengths and overall uniqueness. This will lead to more overall confidence which will translate into more confidence during their sport participation.

By taking these steps you are setting a foundation for your child to be successful long-term as a student-athlete. By nurturing their confidence and self-efficacy skills you are better preparing them to be successful not only in their sports, but most importantly in life!

For more help with developing a confident and capable student-athlete book a session with us today to begin your child’s journey to Holistic Student-Athlete Success!